Re: Deleted jokes about dangers at sea.

If someone has lost a loved one, at sea, to marauding whales, I'm sorry for that but why would someone complain about seafaring stories..do they see hidden meanings in them?

If people understand inuendo, should they be complaining?

"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!"
"Do you drink a lot?"

"Not really - I spill most of it!"

A joke off my son oh he's ten just in case the content is challenged..?

" How do you make a snooker table laugh..?"

"Tickle it's ball!"

Another from the same source
"How do you make a door scream...?"
"Pull it's knob..!"

Hey he's at school what can I say..?

oops that should have been.. " Tickle it's ball's.. spell checkers???

>>ATTENTION ALL MICROSOFT USERS

It has come to the attention of Microsoft that several copies of a Geordie version of Windows 2000, otherwise known as "Windaz Too-Thoosand", may have accidentally been shipped out of Newcastle.

If you have one of the Newcastle editions, you may need some help understanding the commands. You will be able to tell immediately if you have a copy of Windaz 2000 by the egg-timer being replaced by a bottle of Brown Ale and a Grammar Check that automatically ends every sentence with a simile. Kna worra mean like ?

Windaz Too-Thoosand does not recognise capital letters or punctuation marks.

Also note:
The Recycle Bin is labelled "Sh*te"
Dialup Networking is called "Me mates"
Control Panel is known as "How we f**k aboot wi the settins"
The hard disk drive (C is referred to as "The flashin light on the frontt"

Other features to note:
Ok - 'Alreet'
Cancel - 'F**k that'
Yes - 'WhyAye'
No - 'Haddaway an sh*te'
Goto - 'Owa there'
Help - 'Haway man ah cannit dee it'
Personal Folder/My Documents - 'Aall Me sh*te'

Applications exclusive to Windaz 2000:
Tipe Rita - a word processor
Cullarin Book - a graphics package
Addin Masheen - a calculator
Dole 2000 - accounting software
Readers Wives - Internet Explorer

Speaking with a slight scouse twang..who me???

Jokes I have heard over the years with a scouse connotation:-

Why do seagulls have wings..?
To beat the scousers to the tip!

Why do they call scousers Mushrooms?
Because the have got big heads and grow up in Sh*t

And the usual one?s.

Where do you hide your valuables from the scousers who come to rob you?..
Under the soap!

What do you call a scouser in a suit?
The defendant!


..shortened version!

The scouse slaves on a roman galleon keep singing
? Michael row the boat ashore?
So the slave driver (another word for EBME manager?), gets half of their brains removed. But they keep singing ? Michael row the boat ashore?

Finally he gets the rest of their brains removed?

The next day when the galleon is be-calmed again he whips the slaves into rowing? Initially there is silence? then they start singing?

?Ferry Across the Mersey??????

A crack team of Irish SAS soldiers were dropped in to Battersea Dogs home today...they were successful in taking out the Afghans.

test

Carols for the Psychologically Challenged

Schizophrenia
Do You hear What I Hear?

Dementia
I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas

Narcissistic
Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

Manic
Deck the Halls and Walls and house and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and trees and Fire Hydrants and...

Paranoid
Santa Claus is cComming to Get Me

Personality Disorder
You Better Watch Out,
I'm Gonna Cry,
I'm Gonna Pout,
Maybe I'll Tell you Why

Borderline Personality Disorder
Thoughts of You Roasting on an Open Fire

A woman is standing in front of the mirror, and she turns around and asks her husband, " Are my breasts too small?". "no" he replies..
"I think they are!".. she responds
this exchange carries on for a while. where upon the husband finally says too her...

" Try rubbing a peice of tissue between them."
"Will that work?".. she replies..

" Well it did on your Ar#e.."