Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?"

The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:


1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.


Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car.



Think before you continue reading.



This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again.



The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants)
had no trouble coming up with his answer.

WHAT DID HE SAY?



He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend,and let him take the lady to the hospital.
I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams."



Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

However, the correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery, shag the perfect partner against the bus stop and drive off with the old friend for some beer.

Manchester Utd. and their "fans" at Cardiff - Sunday 2nd March 03

A Biomed was sitting with an Estates Manager and a Doctor in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a sudden the police entered and arrested them. They were initially given the death sentence but contested this and were finally imprisoned for life. But as it was a national holiday, the Sheikh decided they should be released after each receiving 20 lashes of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today and she asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping, but you can not wish to not be whipped!" The Doctor thought for a second then said : "Please tie a pillow to my back before whipping." This was done but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Doctor cried in pain. The Estates Manager saw this and said: "Please tie 2 pillows to my back before whipping." This was done and lasted for
the whole 20 lashes. The Estates Manager stood up smiling smugly (as they do). The Biomed saw this but before he could make his wish, the Sheikh said: "As you are a humbled biomed with all that crap you have to put up with, a system that consistently keeps you on the go and the endless interference from senior managers with the IQ of a gold fish you are permitted to have two wishes!" The Biomed thought for a second then said: "Thank you most Royal and Merciful Highness. My first wish is to receive a hundred lashes with he strongest, toughest whip available." "If you so desire," the Sheikh replies with a questioning look on his face, "and your second wish?" "Tie the Estates Manager to my back!"

Louis

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost.
He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.
He descended a bit more and shouted,
"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend
I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't
know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon
hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.
You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and
between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told
me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make
of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost.
Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If
anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where
you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large
quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea
how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems.
The fact is you are in exactly the same position
you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

10 things men understand about Women:-

1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
7:
8:
9:
10: they have breasts.

I remember the first time Dave H fell in love...

It made his whole week :p :p :p

I think you've posted in the wrong section Todd, this area is for Jokes

Oops.. sorry..forgot you must be posting here because of your "jokey" name

oooooo!!! settle down girls, no place to trade insults!

try this.....A man had a bad case of stuttering. He went to many doctors over the years, but none of them could help him. Finally one doctor said to him "I believe I found the reason for your stuttering".
The man asked, "Wha.. wha.. wha..what is my pro.. pro.. problem."

The doctor replied, "Your pen1s is very, very large. The weight of your pen1s is causing a strain on your larynx, and this results in your stuttering. The only solution to this is to perform a pen1s transplant." The man was really tired of his stuttering, so he agreed to a transplant. Several days later the doctor called the man up and informed him that they have found a suitable donor. The transplant operation was successfully performed and the man could speak without any stutter.

At first he was happy, but after a while he began to miss his large pen1s, and how the girls used to love it. He finally went back to his doctor and said, "Doctor, I am grateful for the opportunity you have given me to speak without a stutter, but I miss my old pen1s. Please find the transplant donor and tell him that we have to exchange pen1ses back."

The doctor shook his head and replied, "That's im.. im.. im.. impo.. impossible.

cant resist this one either! ( you can tell its lunch break! )A man and his wife went to the doctor's office and the doctor asked the man for a blood, urine, and feces sample.
The man was slightly deaf and said, ''What?''

Again, the doctor said, ''I need a blood, urine and feces sample."

The man still looked puzzled, so his wife leaned over and yelled into his ear:

''Sheldon, the doctor needs a pair of your underwear