Coming back from another recent EC summit in Rome, various European leaders were forced to take the train due to a strike by Swiss ATC controllers; sitting together in the same compartment, travelling through the Swiss Alps, were Sarkozy, Cameron, Merkel and the young and very attractive female Irish foreign minister.

The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a kiss followed by a loud slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, Sarkozy has a bright red, hand print on his cheek. No one speaks, everyone is extremely shocked and embarrassed.

Angela Merkel thinks: Sarkozy, not able to help himself, must have kissed the Irish girl in the dark, and she slapped his cheek.

The Irish girl thinks: Sarkozy, not able to help himself, must have tried to kiss me in the dark, but missed and kissed Merkel and she slapped his cheek.

Sarkozy thinks: Why me ? That perfidious Cameron must have groped the Irish girl in the dark knowing that I’d get the blame for it and she slapped me…the English [censored].

Cameron thinks: I can’t wait for another tunnel, just so I can kiss the back of my hand again and smack that little French s*d another time.

DOG FOR SALE:


A guy is driving around the back woods of Dunning
and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale 'He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.


The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.


After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.. I wanted to help the government, so I told the SAS.


In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eightyears running...

But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'
'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten quid,' the guy says.

'Ten quid? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He's never been out of the garden'


Lee

I hope this brightens up a dull, cold rainy day. And make you wonder what happened to common sense.
In Honour of Stupid People.....

[In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.]



On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

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On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)


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On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

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On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating." (....and you thought????...)

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On a Pifco hairdryer -- "Do not use while sleeping." (That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)


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On a bag of Doritos -- "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

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On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."(and that would be???....)


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On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's just a suggestion.)


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On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me time?)


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On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."(..I'm taking this because???.....)


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On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to what?)

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On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

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On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: say what?)


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On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)


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On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my Goodness.. was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)



**** Blessed are the cracked: for it is they who let in the light ****

Robert

Is this drought wetter than last years drought?
Robert

From New Scientist on line magazine:

Keep your eyes shut

A notice in the lobby of the Hilton Hotel, Milton Keynes, UK, warns: "If you observe someone smoking in this building, security may be called." Concerned that if she inadvertently found herself observing someone smoking, this "might collapse into the state of security being called", Felicity Harper decided the best course of action was to keep her eyes closed at all times.

And my favourite:

Avoid prostate treatment when pregnant

THE website blurb for Prostamed, an "effective nutraceutical health solution for your prostate issues", assures that it is "an exclusive, all-natural, evidence-based formula designed specifically for adult men with prostate enlargement symptoms".

Ariel Kalma directs our attention to the last two lines of the page. "Are there any contraindication to Prostamed?" the blurb asks itself. "Pregnant women should avoid taking Prostamed for the safety of their baby," it answers.

We are reminded of a Feedback report on 21 October 2006 about a study in the oncology publication Cancer that examined "the fear and uncertainty that comes with a prostate cancer diagnosis - particularly among men".

Robert