My neighbour found out her dog could hardly hear, so she took it to the vet. He found that the problem was hair in its ears, cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet told the lady if she wanted to keep this from re-occurring, she should get some "Immac" hair remover and rub it in its ears once a month. The lady goes to the chemist and gets some "Immac" hair remover. At the till, the pharmacist tells her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days." The lady said "I'm not using it under my arms." The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a couple of days." The lady said "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know I'm using it on my schnauzer." The pharmacist said "Then stay off your bicycle for a week.
Two fleas were having a reunion at Miami. The first one arrived in good order, but the second one arrived cold and shivering. “What’s wrong?” said the first, “You look bloody dreadful.” The second flea said, “It was my trip down here. I was in the moustache of a Harley Davidson biker, and he drove down all the way here from New Jersey”. “You should have done what I did,” said the first flea. “I went to the airport, had a couple of drinks and waited for an airline stewardess. When I found one, I jumped up her skirt, hooked onto her tights and burrowed through her knickers till I found a furry spot. It was warm and comfortable. You should try it next time.” “OK” said the second flea, “I’ll give it a go.” At the next reunion, the first flea arrived safe and sound, but the second one arrived cold and shivering. “I thought you were going to travel via a stewardess?” “I did,” said the second flea. “I followed your method exactly. I went to the airport, had a couple of drinks, waited for an airline stewardess, jumped up her skirt, hooked onto her tights and burrowed through her knickers till I found a furry spot. It was nice and comfortable and I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was in a Harley Davidson biker’s moustache!”
A middle-aged couple were wandering around at the local agricultural show, when they came across the livestock exhibits. A section of it was devoted to cattle. The wife noticed a sign on a pen saying “This bull mated 12 times in the last year.” She nudged her husband, saying “Once a month. You could aspire to that.” The husband said nothing. In the next pen was another bull, with a notice stating “This animal mated 52 times in the last 12 months.” The wife gently dug her elbow into her husband’s ribs, saying “Impressive - once a week! Why can’t you do that?” Her husband’s silence said everything. In the last pen was a magnificent specimen, with a notice stating “This animal mated 365 times in the last year.” The wife couldn’t contain herself. “Why can’t you be like that?” she said, pointing to the notice. “Probably”, said the husband, “because he didn’t do it with the same old cow!”
Remember I was asking (asking? Pleading, more like!) for an M400 Mellotron? Well.....
