A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from London to Edinburgh.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game.

The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five quid, and vice versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me £5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you £500."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a £5 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."

She asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references... no answer.

He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the British Library... no answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and co-workers but to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her £500.

The blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer £5, and goes back to sleep.

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There's this bloke who has three girlfriends, but he doesn't know which one to marry.

So he decides to give each of them £5,000 and see how each of them spends it.

The first woman goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells yer man: "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."

The second woman goes out and buys some new golf clubs, a DVD player, a wide-screen TV and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says: "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."

The third woman takes the £5,000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the £5,000 to your man and re-invests the rest. She says: "I'm investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."

The bloke thought long and hard about how each of the women had spent the money and then decided to marry the one with the biggest knockers.

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A police officer pulled a female driver over and asked to see her driver's licence.

After looking it over, he said to her: "Madam, it stipulates here on your licence that you should be wearing glasses."

"I have contacts," the woman replied."

"Look missus, I don't care who you know.." ...snapped the officer.

"You're getting a ticket."

Remember I was asking (asking? Pleading, more like!) for an M400 Mellotron? Well.....

I'VE NOW GOT ONE!