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Super Hero
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Super Hero
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Good thing I was taught maths in the 1950's and 60's, then.

But at least the Pikeys moved on at step No.6! whistle

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Super Hero
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Super Hero
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No doubt most will have heard this one before, but here goes:-

Then there was the one about the bloke who died and went to heaven. On his first day there he was standing in a long line in the cafeteria, when a big guy wearing a white coat with a stethoscope hanging around his neck strode straight to the front of the queue. The man turned to his neighbour and asked "Who does he think he is"? and was told, "Oh, that's just God pretending to be a Doctor". smile

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Master
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Master
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Posts: 306
Dad and his shark son are swimming through the ocean when they come across a shipwreck with people in the water.

The son says 'can we eat them?'
The dad says 'yes but first of all we have to swim around them with our dorsal fins out of the water'.
They swim around them and the son says 'can we eat them now'.
'Lets just swim around them again with our dorsal fin out of the water' says dad, which they do.
Dad says 'now they are good to eat'.
They feast and after it the son says 'Dad why didnt we just eat them'
Dad says 'It was to make them taste better as it scares the crap out of them!!'


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Philosopher
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Philosopher
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Last 10 cents

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.
He gives the young boy three 10 c coins to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face.....
The father realises the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back..

The boy coughs up 2 of the 10c's but is still choking.
Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper, places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully pulls down his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.. tighter and tighter !!!
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last of the 10c's, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "


'No,' the woman replied.
I'm with the Australian Tax Office..'


Thoughts and information provided on this forum are mine and mine alone and do not necessarily reflect the policy of NSW Health. They may also be complete bollocks!!
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Super Hero
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Super Hero
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Latest on the World News front:-

The Greeks have stopped making humous, along with taramosalata.

It's a double dip recession. whistle

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Expert
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Expert
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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were talking in a pub. The Welshman couldn't be there because he was still in New Zealand.

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Master
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Master
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Posts: 243
That's cruel!

Last edited by Dicky; 10/10/11 4:16 PM.

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.
Bullsh*t and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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Super Hero
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Super Hero
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Not only that ... but entirely lost on most people, I'm sure. frown

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Expert
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Expert
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Don't reckon so. But if it is true - tough. I reckon 99.9% if not 100% of the people in Wales get it though.

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CHJ Offline
Scholar
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Scholar
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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.

While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."


Chris Horwood-Jones
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