EBME Forums Forums Free discussion Out of Hours Jokes 2 (son of Jokes!!!)

regarding the above comment, With the fuss over George Michael going to prison, who thinks he is REALLY looking forward to it..

George 'oh dear I have dropped the soap again'

27 beefed up prisoners 'Give us a break Georgie we are knackered'

George 'Oh come on lovies, all I want is some #Fastlove#'

I hope he enjoys his porridge.

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.
The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says,
'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to
be able to see them every day, for eternity.'

The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her bag,drinks it down. Then, wees into a toilet and pulls the lever.

The Angel says, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go in.'

Dolly is outraged and asks,
'What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She wees into a toilet and she gets in! Would you explain that to me?'

'Sorry, Dolly,' says the Angel, 'but even in Heaven, a Royal Flush beats a Pair - no matter how big they are.'

George Michael hasn't been in the music charts recently, so it was an act of sheer desperation when his publicist put out the news that his last 3 hits were a Rover, a Renault and a Volvo!

The England football team is now to be sponsored by Spillers dog foods but trade descriptions will not let them put Winalot on their shirts.

paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100. next day the farmer tells paddy that the donkey has died. Paddy asks for his £100 back but the farmer says he has spent it. Ok then bring me the dead donkey says paddy. What are you going to do with it? says the farmer.
I am going to raffle it.
You cant raffle a dead donkey.
You watch me! says Paddy, I just wont tell anyone he is dead.

A month later the farmer meets Paddy.
How did your raffle go? he said
Went Ok I sold 500 tickets at £2 each and made £898.00 said Paddy.
Didnt anyone complain?

Only the guy who won, so i gave him his two pound back!'

I here they brought the Chilean miners up Juan by Juan!

The first task of the Chilean miners is to go over to Anfield.
They're going to advise Roy Hodgson on how to get out of a great f***ing big hole before Christmas.

1. Women are unpredictable.

Before marriage, she expects a man,
after marriage she suspects him,
and after death she respects him.
———————-
2. There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much
They got married - and now he is going thru hell.
———————-
3. A man inserted an `ad' in the classifieds :
"Wife wanted ". Next day, he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing :
"You can have mine."
———————-
4. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure
of one thing:
either the car is new or the wife.
———————-
5. It's easy to tell if a man is married or not.
Just watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him. If both his hands are on the wheel, you can be sure he is married.
———————-
6. A man received a letter
from some Kidnappers. The letter said, " if you don't promised to send us $100,000 I swear that we will kidnap your wife."
The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours."
———————-
7. What's the matter,

you look depressed." "I'm having trouble with my wife."
"What happened?" "She said she wasn't going to speak to me for 30 days."
"But that ought to make you happy."
"It did, but today is the last day."
———————-
8.WOMAN

When she is 18 - She is a football, 22 men going after her.
When she is 28 - She is a hockey ball, 8 men going after her.
When she is 38 - She is a golf ball, 1 man hitting on her.
When she is 48 - She is a pingpong ball, 2 men pushing to each other.
———————-
9.MAN

At 20 - A man is like a coconut, so much to offer, so little to give.
At 30 - He is like a durian, dangerous but delicious.
At 40 - He is like a watermelon, big, round and juicy.
At 50 - He is like a mandarin orange, the season comes once in a year.
At 60 - He is just like a raisin, dried out, wrinkles and cheap.
———————-
10.Marriage Humour

In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

Currently my favorite singer/idol : Hatsune Miku

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTXO7KGHtjI