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#18877 03/04/04 9:48 AM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 130
EH Offline
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 130
Here's a dilemma for you....

With all your honour and dignity what would you do?

This test only has one question, but it's a very
important one.

Please don't answer it without giving it some serious
thought.

By giving an honest answer you will be able to test
where you stand MORALLY.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional
situation, where you will have to make a decision
one-way or the other.

Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet
spontaneous.

Please scroll down slowly and consider each line -
this is important for the test to work accurately.

You're in Florida ... in Miami, to be exact.

There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a
hurricane and severe floods.

There are huge masses of water all over you.

You are a CNN photographer and you are in the middle
of this great disaster.

The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to
shoot very mpressive photos. There are houses and
people floating around you, disappearing into the
water.

Nature is showing all its destructive power and is
ripping everything away with it.

Suddenly you see a man in the water, he is fighting
for his life, trying not to be taken away by the
masses of water and mud. You move closer.

Somehow the man looks familiar. Suddenly you know who
it is - it's George W. Bush!

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are
about to take him away, forever.

You have two options. You can save him or you can
take the best photo of your life.

So you can save the life of George W. Bush, or you can
shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo, a unique photo
displaying the death of one of the world's most
powerful men.

And here's the question (please give an honest
answer):


Would you select colour film, or rather go with the
simplicity of classic black and white? laugh


A problem is a gift to be unwrapped :rolleyes:
#18878 02/08/04 5:25 PM
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 173
Mentor
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Posts: 173
Good news! Saddams got the death penalty...

Bad news? ....Beckhams taking it!


5.7L V8 Corvette.. Doing my bit to keep our summers warmer!
#18879 14/09/04 2:34 PM
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 193
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 193
Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border checkpoint.

Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "It is illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four".

"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishmen retorts disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons."

"You can not pull that one on me," replies Paddy
"Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law."

The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"

"Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."
laugh


Ours is not to reason why?,
Simply obey & then comply !
#18880 23/11/04 6:22 PM
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 1,965
Likes: 32
Hero
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Hero
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Posts: 1,965
Likes: 32
Christmas cracker Joke:

Whats orange and sounds like a Parrot???

boggle

A carrot. laugh


Be Proactive and reactive.
#18881 25/11/04 12:48 PM
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 104
Adept
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 104
How true, and sad !


If Nelson were alive today...
Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."
Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."
Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to the signal officer. What's the meaning of this?"
Hardy: "Sorry sir?"
Nelson (reading aloud): "England expects every person to do his duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability". "What gobbledygook is this?"
Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting 'England' past the censors, lest it be considered racist."
Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."
Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have been designated smoke-free working environments."
Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the main brace to steel the men before battle."
Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the Government's policy on binge drinking."
Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it ... full speed ahead."
Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water."
Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from thecrow's nest please."
Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."
Nelson: "What?"
Hardy: "Health and safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness. And they said that rope ladder doesn't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected."
Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."
Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the fo'c'sle Admiral."
Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."
Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled."
Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card." Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under-represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."
Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."
Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"
Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."
Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."
Nelson: "What? This is mutiny."
Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."
Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"
Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."
Nelson: "We're not?"
Hardy: "No, sir. The Frenchies and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."
Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."
Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-coordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary."
Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King."
Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules."
Nelson: "Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"
Hardy: "As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment."
Nelson: "What about sodomy?"
Hardy: "I believe it's to be encouraged, sir."
Nelson: "In that case ..kiss me, Hardy "


If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance..
Baffle 'em with bullshit.


#18882 25/11/04 7:16 PM
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 273
Mark.E Offline OP
Master
OP Offline
Master
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 273
A man goes to do some Christmas shopping and returns with an Odd gift for his wife.

A neighbour see's this gift and asks what it is,

" A wooden leg" replies the man.

the neighbour replies back, " That is a very unusual present is that all your getting her?"

He replies " This.... it's only a Stocking Filler...!" boggle

Not as bad as Johns carrot joke but close !

#18883 26/11/04 4:25 PM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 499
Sage
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Sage
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 499
What do you call 10 estates managers sitting in a circle?

A dope ring laugh

LIII


No trees were harmed in the posting of this message. However, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
كيف الآن يحمّر البقرة
#18884 26/11/04 6:01 PM
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 153
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Posts: 153
Looks as if John knows our Technical Services Manager - the carrot/parrot joke is one of his favourites!

There is even an advert full of them now on national radio. It includes "What do you call a bull asleep? A bulldozer!"

Apologies to anyone who feels mentally harmed by this - here, we're hardened to it;)

#18885 27/11/04 10:10 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 17
Novice
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Novice
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 17
Patient

"Doctor, I think I'm going deaf"


Doctor

"What are the symptoms ?"


Patient

"A cartoon family on the television"........ smile

#18886 06/12/04 9:20 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 17
Novice
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 17
One snowman to his friend........


Is it just me........


Or can you smell carrots ?......... smile

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