EBME Forums Forums Free discussion Out of Hours Jokes 2 (son of Jokes!!!)

That one only really works with the american pronunciation of lever.

--- Bottle of Wine
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> Women will LOVE this one......well the one that sent this to me did)
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> A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars
> are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways.
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> After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers.
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> The woman says, 'So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left,
> but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days.'
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> Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God! But you're still at
> fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.'
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> The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of
> wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.' She hands the bottle to
> the man.
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> The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
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> The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.
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> The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'
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> The woman replies, 'No. I think I'll just wait for the police...'
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> MORAL OF THE STORY:
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> Women are clever, evil bitches.
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> Don't mess with them.
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Lee

CONSENSUS OF THE HEALTHCARE LEGISLATION IN CONGRESS

The American Medical Association has weighed in on the new Obama health care proposals:
The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.
Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.
Pathologists yelled; "Over my dead body!" while the Paediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter...."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
The Anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington

Nice one, Jonathan.

But what about the biomeds?

What do you call an epileptic lettuce?







Seizure salad!

This woman often gets on the same train as I do, and every time I look at her, she is staring at me. Quite unnerving! This morning I plucked up the courage to speak to her, so I said, I noticed you looking at me, do you know me?
She said, no not really its just that you look like my third husband!
I said, your third husband? How many husbands have you had?
She said, "just two!"

A fireman is polishing his fire engine outside the fire station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red cart with little ladders hung on the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The little girl is wearing a fireman's helmet and has the cart tied to a dog and a cat.

The fire-fighter walks over to take a closer look: 'That's a lovely fire engine,' he says admiringly.

'Thanks,' says the little girl. The fireman looks closer and notices the little girl has tied one of the cart's strings to the dog's collar and one to the cat's testicles.

'Little colleague,' says the fire-fighter, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your fire engine, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could probably go a lot faster..'

The little girl pauses for a moment, looks at the wagon, at the dog and at the cat, then shyly looks into the fireman's eyes and says:

'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a f****** siren, would I?'

The biomeds thought they had engineered a cunning solution but finance blocked it.


Lee

The love story of Ralph and Edna...

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'

Is that the pay off line? Or are you just cashing in your four pence worth?

Robert