EBME Forums Forums Free discussion Out of Hours Jokes 2 (son of Jokes!!!)

Sorry I didn't hear that!!!
I do have a deaf joke but not for this forum??!!

Go on then.

3 Deaf men went to Wembly. As the cab pulled up the "conversation" went :-

Is this Wembley ??

No its Thursday !!

So am I lets go for a Pint

I've seen pictures of a certain deaf medical engineer bench pressing so will not be making an silly remarks.

Lee

Yeah I heard you first time Neoteny!

Another deaf medical engineer that bench presses!

Small world!

#As Father Jack from Father Ted#

WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!

The sharing of Marriage

The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them
.... As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.
Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.
This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything..'

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'

She answered
'THE TEETH.'

This is Masters week afterall-l-l-l-l-l.......
>
>
>
> A man walks into a bar, and a lady
> recognizes him as golf player, Tiger Woods.
> They start to talk, and eventually go back to his place.
>
> They start to kiss, and he takes off his shirt.
> On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK.
>
> "What's that for?" the lady questions.
>
> "Oh, I have this so that when I'm on Tour,
> people will see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me."
>
> Then he takes off his trousers, and on his
> leg, he has a tattoo that says NIKE.
>
> 'What's that ?' the lady questions again.
>
> "Just like the Reebok tattoo, I get paid
> when this tattoo is seen on Tour."
>
> Then he drops his underwear and on his
> penis he has a tattoo that says AIDS.
>
> The lady screams: "Don't tell me you have AIDS!"
>
> He replies: "No, no.....!!! Calm down,"
> "It will say ADIDAS in a minute...........!!!

A mature (over 50) lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please..

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

I was just outside when I got hit on the head by a lasagne, a black forest gateaux and a garlic baguette!

It must be fall out from Iceland.

Joke from the Woo who was obviously to embarrassed to post it.

Lee