EBME Forums Forums Free discussion Out of Hours Jokes!!

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark.
A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
Makes you think mmm?

It`s that time of year again
So try this one :p
http://meph.eu.org/orcaslap.php

Early this morning Reuters reported that US forces have swooped on an Iraqi Primary School and detained a 6th Grade teacher Mohammed Al-Hazar. Sources indicate that, when arrested, Al-Hazar was in possession of a ruler, protractor, compass, set square and a calculator. US President George W Bush argued that this was clear and overwhelming evidence that Iraq indeed possesses weapons of maths instruction.

Found this link on another forum.

Decided to post it here as I think we need somethng to laugh at!

http://www.union.ic.ac.uk/medic/fitness/home.php

Goto listen to hear a few sample tracks.
Word of warning, the site has a Parents Advisory for explicit lyrics. Some of the songs are very amusing, but a word of warning the language can be slightly "choice" - so dont turn the volume up high on your PC.

All written by doctors they are however quite good and you can even buy their full CD and the money goes to charity.

enjoy

I see the Queen has already got Charles' and Camilla's wedding present.

A weekend in Paris and a chauffeur driven Mercedes.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

How many social workers does it take to change a lightbulb
They can`t, they don`t have the skills, but they would be able to print a leaflet titled
Coping With Darkness

A group of retired teachers, from America, recently went to France on a tour. Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on bag.

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically. Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously. "Then you should know enough to have your passport ready," snipped the Frenchman.

Mr. Whiting replied, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show my passport"

"Impossible! Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!" asserted the officer loud enough to draw attention.

The American senior gave the French custom officer a long hard look. Then he quietly explained: "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate your country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to!"

Prison or Work - 10 Reasons To Ponder

1 In prison you spend your time in a 10ft * 8ft cell. At work you`re in a 8ft * 6ft cubicle.

2 In prison you get 3 meals a day. At work you only get a short break for 1 meal and you have to pay for that one.

3 In prison you get time off for good behaviour. At work you get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.

4 In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. At work you carry a security card around and unlock and open the doors yourself.

5 In prison you watch TV and play games. At work you get sacked for watching TV and playing games.

6 In prison you`re ball and chained if you go out. At work you`re just ball and chained.

7 In prison you get your own toilet. At work you have to share.

8 In prison you`re allowed family and friends to visit. At work you can`t even speak to family and friends.

9 In prison all expenses are paid for by the taxpayer with no work required. At work you pay all the expenses to get to work and then taxes are deducted from your wages to pay for the prisoners.

10 In prison there are wardens who can be cruel and sadistic. At work you have managers.

Irish police have confirmed that they are dealing with their worst ever aircraft disaster and are still recovering many dead after a light twin seater aircraft crashed into a cemetary late last night, the body count has so far risen to 825....