EBME Forums Forums Free discussion Out of Hours Jokes!!

A stranger was seated next to a Jamaican on Air Jamaica when the
stranger turned to the Jamaican and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that
flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with
your fellow passenger."
The Jamaican, who had just turned on some reggae on his walkman, turned it

down, and said to the stranger, "Wha yu like fe discuss, Sah?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger.Thinking that he would stump the
Jamaican, he said, "Nuclear power?"

"Aaaright," said the Jamaican.
"Dat could be one in-tresting topic.But mek me ask yu one question
fus".

"Go ahead, said the stranger".

"A donkey, a cow an deer all eat grass, rite?
Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow tun out flat patties,
an donkey produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

"Well, den," said the Jamaican, "How de rass is it dat yu feel
qualified fe discuss nuclear power wen yu don't even know ****?"

Security Alert in France

The French President Jacques Chirac, has officially raised the French security alert from "Run" to "Hide".

There are only two higher levels in France "Surrender" and "Collaborate"

The rise was seen as inevitable after a recent fire destroyed France's only white flag factory - effectively crippling their military capability.

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first-class section
of a jet liner. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose,
then visibly shuddered for ten or fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed
again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered quite violently once
more. Assuming the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about
the shuddering.

A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before, she
took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman, and said,
"I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your
nose, then shuddered violently. Are you okay?"

"Sorry if I disturbed you," the woman replied. "I have a very rare medical
condition; whenever I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I've never heard
of that condition before," he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"

"Yes," the woman nodded. "Pepper."

The dodo died, di died, dodi died, dando died......dido must be s****ing herself!

If she isn't now, she certainly swill be.

A nurse walks into a bank, preparing to endorse a check. She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer and tries to write with it.

She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake, and says, "Well that's great. Some a$$hole's got my pen."

Peter met Sharon in a nightclub. They enjoyed each other's company very much and at the end of the evening Sharon invited Peter to her place, where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and energetic session in bed together.

Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and snuggled up close to each other.

After a short while, Sharon began tenderly stroking Peter's manhood. Surprised but appreciative, Peter comments, "Surely you can't be ready for more already?"

Sharon replies, "No, but every now and then I get a bit nostalgic, and I miss the days when I had mine."


A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window.

The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window.

Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct, but completely useless answer

A girl goes into the priest for confession.
'Forgive me father I have sinned I dont wear any underwear'
'Well my child say two hail marys and two our fathers, oh and can I have two cart wheels on the way out'


Women unhappy at being alone puts an ad in the paper.
'Wanted man to share my life, must be gentle, will not run away and be good in bed'
Next day the doorbell rings' she opens it to find a man in a wheelchair with no arms or legs.
'Yes can I help you' she says
'You put an ad in the paper, as you can see I have no arms so I will never hurt you, I have no legs so I will never run away'
'Yes but what about the sex'
'Hey how do you think I rang the doorbell!!!'

OK, not exactly a joke, but it will make you smile:

Edited, as the link is now dead. Shame - it was a good 'un.