EBME Forums Forums Free discussion Out of Hours Jokes 2 (son of Jokes!!!)

Today is St George's Day, the day the Irish wear silly hats with roses on and drink red and white pints of warm bitter for no obvious reason at all.

Just as an aside St Patrick the beloved saint of Ireland is also patron saint of engineers, so we can all celebrate his day with impunity.

Now, how in the name of all that's holy did St Pat become the patron saint of engineers, when no such "group" existed for many many hundreds of years after his death (if he ever existed at all that is)?
Yes yes, I hear the cries of "but there have always been engineers it's just that they were not called that......." but still, really?

or this..........

Hello

Next time somebody claims to be an Engineer give them the following test:-

http://www.tickld.com/cdn_image_article/a_517_20140527140923.jpg

Lee

10 Science Jokes

1. I'm reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

2. I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn't seem to be gaining momentum.

3. Why can't atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don't believe in higher powers.

4. Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.

5. Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.

6. A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:
'What do we want?'.
'Time travel'
'When do we want it?'.
'Irrelevant.'

7. What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!

8. A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies 'For you, no charge'.

9. Two atoms are walking along. One of them says:
'Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.'
'Are you sure?'
'Yes, I'm positive.'

10. An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees it half empty. An engineer sees it twice as large as it needs to be.

This is old but still good

Have you heard about Corduroys pillows?

They're making all the headlines.

Judy and Ted got married and had 13 children. Then Ted died of Heart Disease. She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children.
Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later. Again Judy remarried, and this time she & John had 5 more children. Judy finally died, after having 25 children. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they are finally together." Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret: "Margaret, do you think he means her 1st, 2nd, or 3rd husband?" Margaret replied: "I think he means her legs, Ethel."

We may have seen this one before:-

A woman runs a red traffic light and crashes into a man's car. Both of their cars are demolished, but amazingly, neither of them is hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says; "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
The man replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." She then hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police."

Adam ate the apple, too.
Men will never learn...

Lee

Joke but no Joke.
Job of the day " CTG Monitor showing the Malefunction......?"