NEW NHS MEDICAL DICTIONARY:-

Artery................... The study of paintings.

Bacteria................. Back door to cafeteria.

Barium................... What doctors do when patients die.

Benign.................. What you be, after you be eight.

Caesarean Section.........A neighbourhood in Rome .

Catscan.................. Searching for Kitty.

Cauterize................ Made eye contact with her.

Colic.................... A sheep dog.

Coma..................... A punctuation mark.

Dilate................... To live long.

Enema.................... Not a friend.

Fester................... Quicker than someone else.

Fibula................... A small lie.

Impotent................. Distinguished, well known.

Labour Pain...............Getting hurt at work.

Medical Staff............ A Doctor's cane.

Morbid................... A higher E-bay offer.

Nitrates................. Cheaper than day rates.

Node..................... I knew it.

Outpatient............... A person who has fainted.

Pelvis................... Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative........... A letter carrier.

Recovery Room............ Place to do upholstery.

Rectum................... Nearly killed him.

Secretion................ Hiding something.

Seizure.................. Roman emperor.

Tablet................... A small table.

Terminal Illness......... Getting sick at the airport.

Tumour.................... One plus one more.

Urine.................... Opposite of you're out.

Lee

Don't forget "we've never had it so good".