Two cowboys from Arizona walk into a roadhouse to wash the dust of the trail from their throats. They stand at the bar, drinking their beers and talking quietly about cattle prices. Suddenly a woman at a table behind them, who had been eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so it becomes apparent that she is in real trouble, and the cowboys turn to look at her. “Kin ya swaller?” asks one of the cowboys. "No”, signals the woman, desperately shaking her head. "Kin ya breathe?" asks the other. The woman, beginning to turn a bit blue, shakes her head - "No" again. The first cowboy walks over to her, lifts up the back of her skirt, yanks down her knickers, and slowly runs his tongue up and down the woman's buttocks. This shocks the woman into a violent coughing spasm, the obstruction flies out of her mouth, and she begins to breathe again. The cowboy slowly walks back over to the bar and proudly takes a drink of his beer. His partner says in admiration, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but I ain't never seen nobody do it."
Two inmates escaped from a psychiatric institution, evaded the guards and arrived in the centre of town. Being confined in the male side of the institution had left them with ‘certain’ urges, which they were keen to exercise. They chanced upon a launderette, where a number of ladies of the area were doing their weekly washes. The two escapees made forceful, passionate love to the ladies, before someone noticed them and summoned the police. However, before the constabulary arrived, the subjects of this discourse fled the scene. A newspaper journalist, reportedly working for the News of the World or the Sunday Sport, got hold of the story and successfully put it on the front page of his paper, under the headline……
A man walks into a Chemists shop, accompanied by his 12-year-old son. They happened to walk past a display of condoms, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?” to which the father, matter-of-factly replies “Those are condoms, son. Men use them to practice safe sex”. “Oh, I see”, said the son, a little apprehensively. “Yes, I’ve heard about them in Health classes at school”. He goes across to the display and picks up a pack. “Why do they come in threes?” he asked. “They are for 6th form students”, replied his father, “ one for Friday night, one for Saturday night and one for Sunday night.” “Cool”, responded his son, who then picks up a packet of 6. “Wow” he said, “Who buys these?” “They’re for university students” replied his father. “Two for Friday night, two for Saturday night and two for Sunday night.” “Amazing” said his son, “then who gets these?” he asked, picking up a 12-pack. With a longing sigh, his father replied “They’re for married men, one for January, one for February, one for March………”
Remember I was asking (asking? Pleading, more like!) for an M400 Mellotron? Well.....
