While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of medical students. "As you can see," she says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?" "Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I'd limp too."
An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place to get American food. The concierge tells him he's in luck, there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza. Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza. The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the deliveryman, "What the hell did you put on this pizza?" The deliveryman bows deeply and says, "We put on the pizza what you ordered: 'pepper only'."
A lifeboat was called out to rescue a yacht in trouble. The coastguard, trying to get the yacht's location, called it on the radio. "What is your position? Repeat, what is your position?" And the reply came back, "My position - well I'm marketing director of a medium-sized computer software company in the East Midlands.”
When Jacques Cousteau was alive and on one of his deep-sea explorations, he discovered a rare tuna fish that lived at great depths. Upon further examination, it was discovered that the female tuna's reproductive organs smelled exactly like a human finger!
Two cannibals agreed to share a lone missionary. Cannibal number one said, "You start at his feet and I'll start at his head." After a little while cannibal number one asks, "How are you doing?" Cannibal number two replies, "I'm having a ball." Cannibal number one yells, "You're eating too fast!"
A young boy asked his mother, "Mum, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?" "Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?" replied his mother. The young boy answered, "The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the arse off his secretary."
Remember I was asking (asking? Pleading, more like!) for an M400 Mellotron? Well.....
