A fireman was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl was wearing a fireman's helmet and had the wagon tied to a dog and a cat. The fireman walked over to take a closer look. "That is a very nice fire engine," the fireman said with admiration. "Thank you," the girl said. The fireman looked a little closer and noticed the girl had tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Partner," he said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire engine, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster." The little girl replied, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.”
Gladys was the preacher's wife and accompanied her husband each Sunday to Church. One particular Sunday when the sermon seemed to go on forever, many in the congregation fell asleep. After the service, to be sociable, she walked up to a very sleepy looking gentleman. In an attempt to revive him from his stupor, she extended her hand in greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn." To which the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one!"
The grizzled old Regimental Sergeant Major was personally conducting the course in boot camp. He growled at me: "If you were on night sentry duty and saw a figure crawling towards camp, what procedure would you follow?" "Well, Sergeant Major," I answered, "I'd help the officer to his quarters."
One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner - Mother Potato, Father Potato, and their three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. "Mother" she said. "I have an announcement to make." "And what might that be?" said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter's eyes. "Well," replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, "I'm getting married!" The other daughters squealed with surprise and delight as Mother Potato exclaimed, "Married...That's wonderful! And who are you marrying?" "I'm marrying a Jersey Royal!" the eldest daughter replied. "A Jersey Royal!" said Mother Potato with pride. "Oh, a Jersey Royal is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!" As the family shared in the eldest daughter's joy, the middle daughter spoke up. "Mother, I too, have an announcement." "And what might that be?" asked Mother. "I, too, am getting married!" "And who are you marrying, Middle Daughter?" "I'm marrying a King Edward," beamed the middle daughter. "A King Edward!" said Mother Potato with joy. "Oh, a King Edward is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!" Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plans for the future, when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted. "Mother...erm, I, too, have an announcement to make." "Yes?" said Mother Potato with great anticipation. "Well," began the youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her, "I hope this doesn't come as a shock to you, but I am getting married, as well!" "Really?" said Mother Potato with sincere excitement. "All of my lovely daughters getting married! What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you marrying, youngest Daughter?" "I'm marrying John Motson!" "John Motson? JOHN MOTSON?!?!?!" Mother Potato scowls. "But he's a common tater!"
Heather and Senga hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch. The talk naturally got around to their respective love lives. Senga confided that there really wasn't anyone special in her life. Heather, on the other hand, was beaming about the new man she had found. "He's perfect. He's handsome, and last night when we went out to dinner, he said the four little words I've been waiting to hear a man say to me!" "He said 'will you marry me?’" Senga asked. "No,” Heather replied, “he said 'put your money away'!"
Remember I was asking (asking? Pleading, more like!) for an M400 Mellotron? Well.....
