Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the Princess' lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome Prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young Prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in yon castle with my Mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so." That night, on a repast of lightly sautéed frogs’ legs, seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought: “I don't f#cking think so!”
Two blokes were sitting in the topmost bar of the Empire State Building, supping pints. One of them said, “Did you know that if you jump from the window of this bar, by the time you get to the 10th floor, the wind is so intense that it blows you through a window, back into the Empire State Building?” The barman, who heard this conversation, shook his head in disapproval, but carried on cleaning the glasses in silence. “Bullshit!” said the second bloke, “You’re having a laugh!” “No, it’s true. Watch this” whereupon the first bloke ran across the floor of the bar and threw himself over the balcony into space. The second bloke, scared out of his wits, ran to the balcony to see what was happening. Sure enough, as soon as the first bloke reaches the 10th floor window, a gust of wind whips him through a window. He then took the lift back to the bar. The second bloke couldn’t believe what he had just seen. “That was bloody incredible! It must’ve been a pure fluke!” “No, not at all,” said the first bloke. “I’ll do it again,” and, sure enough, the first bloke ran across the floor of the bar and threw himself over the balcony again. Another gust of wind blew him back through a 10th floor window, and he returned to the bar via the lift. “OK,” said the first bloke, “you have a go.” “What the hell. He did it twice, so it must be easy,” so he threw himself over the balcony. He hit 42nd Street with a sickening “SPLATT!” Back in the bar, the barman, who had maintained his silence, shook his head, and said, “You can be a total sod when you’ve got a drink inside you, Superman!”
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: 1) I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want - and I don't expect any hassle from you. 2) I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you. 3) I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. “Those are my rules. Any comments?" His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just so long as YOU understand that there'll be sex here at ten o'clock every night...whether you're here or not."
Remember I was asking (asking? Pleading, more like!) for an M400 Mellotron? Well.....
