"Doctor, I'd like you to evaluate my 13 year-old son." "OK: He's suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis for a full recovery is good." "How can you say all that without even meeting him?" "I thought you said he's 13?"
A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy. She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!" He said, "Great, tell me what you're so happy about!" She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told him that she was pregnant! He was ecstatic! They had been trying for a while. He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!" Then, she said, "Oh, honey, there's more!" He asked, "What do you mean, 'more'?" She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!" Amazed at how she could have deduced this so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew. She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Boots and bought the twin pack home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!"
In a city park stood two statues, one male and the other female. These two statues faced each other for many years. Early one morning, an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 60 minutes to do whatever you desire." And with that command, the statues came to life. The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dived behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping. After thirty minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes smiling and obviously satisfied. However, the angel looked at his watch quizzically, and said the statues, "You’ve still got thirty minutes left. Don’t you want more?" The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?" Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure. But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'LL sh#t on its head!"
A huge convoy of trucks have left Dublin heading for the Gulf. Half the trucks have sand, half have cement. Sources say they are planning a huge mortar attack.
