A fruit grower called to see the buyer for a supermarket chain with what he claimed to be a new apple. The buyer tried it. "It tastes just like a Granny Smiths,” he said. "Turn it round and try again," said the grower. The buyer turned the apple and bit again. His eyebrows shot up in surprise. "That side tastes like Golden Delicious!" "Yes! Brilliant, isn't it?" "It may be, but I can't buy them. People want to buy either Granny Smiths' or Golden Delicious. Not both in one fruit. Go away and do something really new with the same technique." So a few years later, the grower comes back and presents the buyer with another apple. "Try this." The buyer bites it. "Wow! It tastes like an orange!" "Turn it round and try again." "Oh my! That side tastes like banana!" "Isn't it great?" "It's very clever, but not marketable. People who want oranges or bananas buy oranges or bananas. You'll have to bring me something they can't buy any other way." So the grower returns a few years later. "Now this one is truly unique. It tastes like a woman." Intrigued, the buyer bites into it. His face screws up, he retches and exclaims, "Oh sh#t!" "Turn it round, turn it round."
Since their wedding day three years before, Cindy had been nagging Bill to tell her about his past. "Come on tell me," she asked again, "how many women have you slept with?" "Honey, if I told you, you'd just get mad," he replied. "No I won't, I promise. Please tell me," she pleaded. Finally he said, "Well, OK, then. Let's see. One, two, three, four, five, YOU, seven, eight...."
A 100-year-old man was having a big birthday party at his nursing home. A TV crew was there to interview the man on this special day. "Please tell our audience how you managed to live so long," asked the reporter. "Well, I don't drink and I've never smoked," replied the old geezer, "and, I make it a point to stay well away from wild women." Just then, there was a loud shriek in the hall. The crew turned to see a nurse run by, followed by an agile looking, older man. The older man carried a foul smelling cigarette in one hand and a glass of whisky in the other. As he ran by, he paused for a moment, looked at the crowd, grinned and cackled "He, he, he!" and then continued his pursuit. "What the hell was that all about?" asked the astonished reporter. Replied the old geezer, "Please excuse my father - he gets carried away sometimes!"
Molly, age 9, and Sammy, age 10, are sitting on the front porch swing. Sammy says to Molly, "Screw you, Molly." A minute goes by and Molly replies, "Screw YOU, Sammy." A moment or two later, Sammy says, "Screw YOU, Molly." In response, "Screw YOU, Sammy," Molly says. After about ten minutes of this, Molly's mom comes out on the porch and says, "What on earth are you kids doing?" They reply in unison, "We're having oral sex!"
Remember I was asking (asking? Pleading, more like!) for an M400 Mellotron? Well.....
