Ooops, and for more than one reason. I think I'll keep schtum for a bit - I'm starting to suffer from Foot IN Mouth Disease (a recurrent complaint)! I'll stick to what (I think) I'm good at...
A middle-aged woman seemed timid as she visited her gynaecologist. "Come now," coaxed the doctor, "you've been seeing me for years! There's nothing you can't tell me." "This one's kind of strange..." said the woman. "Let me be the judge of that," the doctor replied. "Well," said the woman, "yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and I heard a plink-plink in the toilet. When I looked down, the water was full of pennies." "Mmmm, I see." said the doctor. "That afternoon I went again and there were 5 pence pieces in the bowl." "Uh-huh." the doctor said as he got more and more interested in her story. "That night," she went on, "there were 10p pieces and this morning there were 20ps! You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!" she implored. "I'm scared stiff!" The gynaecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "There is nothing to be frightened about. You're simply going through the change."
There was a history professor and a psychology professor sitting in the garden in a nudist colony. The history professor asked the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?" The psychology professor replied, "Yes, I think they’re from these wicker chairs."
An Irish bloke goes to the doctor: "Dactor, it's me arse. I'd loik ya ta take a look, if ya wood". So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. "Incredible," he says. "There’s a 20 pound note stuck up here". Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a 10 pound note appears. "This is amazing," exclaims the Doctor. "What do you want me to do?" "Well fur fecks sake, take it out, man," shrieks the patient. The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, then a fiver, then another and another etc... Finally the last note comes out and no more appear. "Ah Dactor, tank yer koindly, dat's much better. How much is der den?" The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "1990 pounds exactly," he replied. "Ah, dat'd be roit,” said Paddy, “I knew I wasn't feeling two grand."
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm," states the fairy godmother. Cinderella agrees, then asks, "What's the second condition?" "You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin." Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m. Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very ‘satisfied’. "Where have you been?" demanded the fairy godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!" "I met a prince, Fairy Godmother,” said Cinderella, with a faraway look in her eyes, “he took care of everything." "I know of no prince with that kind of power,” said the fairy godmother, “What’s his name!" "I’m not exactly sure - it sounded like ‘Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater', or something like that...."
Remember I was asking (asking? Pleading, more like!) for an M400 Mellotron? Well.....
