EBME Forums Forums Free discussion Out of Hours Jokes 2 (son of Jokes!!!)

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The salesgirl notices him and asks if she can help him. He answers that he was looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?"

"Well, it's like this,” said the man, “yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a packet of cigarettes and she came home with a pouch of tobacco and some cigarette papers. So, I figure… if I have to roll my own, so should she!"

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The doctor says, "Mr. Shapiro, I have some bad news and some very bad news."

Mr. Shapiro says, "Well, you might as well give me the bad news first."

The doctor says, "The lab called with your test results. You have 24 hours to live."

Mr. Shapiro says, "Twenty-four hours? That's terrible! What could be worse?"

The doctor says, "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday."

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A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a famous specialist.
"So who did you see before coming to me?" asked the specialist.

"My local General Practitioner."

"Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of time. Tell me, what sort of useless advice did he give you?"

"He told me to come and see you."

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Schwartz goes to see his Rabbi. He says, "Rabbi, I think my wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi says, "I'll tell you what...let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out, and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls Schwartz and says, "I spoke to your wife on the phone for four hours."

Schwartz says, “Do you have any advice?"

The Rabbi says, "Yeah. Take the poison."

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Mick was in court for a double murder and the judge said, "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You b#st#rd!"

The judge continued, "You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a hammer."

Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You f#cking b#st#rd!!!"

The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom, and said, "Paddy, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge you with contempt! Now, is there a problem?"

Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded, "For fifteen years I lived next door to that b#st#rd. And every time I asked to borrow a f#cking hammer, he said he didn't have one!"