The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which part of the human body increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!" With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down. Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which part of the body increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy, she’s in big trouble!" The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?" Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye." Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued. "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say. One, you have a dirty mind, Two, you didn't read your homework, and Three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."
A man goes into a bar very thirsty. He sits down waiting for the barman to see him. The man next to him calls for the barman saying, "I'll have another Waterloo." The barman gives him a tall ice cold drink, then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink. Wanting to try this new drink he says, "I'll have a Waterloo too." The barman gives him a tall ice cold drink. He takes a big drink and says "HEY! This isn't any good. It tastes just like water!" The man next to him looks at the barman and says, "Well, it is water...right Lou?”
A woman was having a medical problem - her husband snoring. So she called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her "suffering." "Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost £1000 down, and payments of £450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras." "My goodness!" the woman exclaimed, "sounds like leasing a new sports car!" "Hmmm," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?"
A veterinary surgeon had been busy all day tending to one emergency after the next. Luckily for him, when he finally got home from tending to all these sick animals, his wife was waiting with the martini pitcher and a cosy candle-lit dinner. After dinner, the couple had a few more drinks and went happily to bed. At about 2:00 a.m. the phone rang. "Is this the vet?" asked an elderly lady's voice. "Yes, it is," replied the vet. "Is this an emergency?" "Well, sort of," said the elderly lady. "There's a whole bunch of cats up on the roof making a terrible noise mating and I can't get to sleep. What can I do to get them to stop?" The vet patiently replied, "Open the window and tell them they're wanted on the phone." "Really?" said the elderly lady, "Will that stop them?" "It ought to," said the vet, "it stopped me!"
Remember I was asking (asking? Pleading, more like!) for an M400 Mellotron? Well.....
