OK, this is being done from Little France Penitentary......sorry - Edinburgh Royal Infirmary.
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he came up with an answer so quickly. "What makes you say that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the vicar said: 'Four better, four worse, four richer, four poorer.'" (If that were true, God help you when you fill in your tax return form!!!)
"It was awful," she explained. "I was walking down Elm Street and there was a terrible accident. A man was thrown from his car and he was lying in the middle of the street. One of his legs was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course." "What did you do?" asked the bartender. "I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"
A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey Billy, want to play Mummies and Daddies?" He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?" The girl replies, "I want you to communicate your feelings." "Communicate my feelings?" said the bewildered boy. "I have no idea what that means." The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband."
My kids love going onto the Internet, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes. I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long. "Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for a pack of condoms. As soon as he has paid for them, he starts laughing and walks out. The next day, the same performance, with the man walking out laughing, fit to bust. The pharmacist thinks this odd and asks his assistant, if the man returns, to follow him. Sure enough, he comes into the store the next day, repeating his actions once more. The assistant duly follows. Half an hour later, he returns. "So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist. "Yes, I did." "And...where did he go?" "Over to your house..."
Stanley stops by to visit his friend who is paralysed from the waist down. They talk for a while and then the friend asks, "My feet are cold. Would you be so kind as to go get me my house slippers please?" Stanley obliges and goes upstairs. There he sees his friend's daughters, both very good looking. Being the adventurous and quick thinking kind, he says..."Hi, ladies! Your daddy sent me here to have sex with you!" They stare at him and say, "That can't be!" He replies, "OK, let's check!" He shouts at his friend down the stairs, "Both of them?" "Yes, both of them!"
Remember I was asking (asking? Pleading, more like!) for an M400 Mellotron? Well.....
