Here you go Ladies & Gentlemen - start downloading this lot!

A 4-year-old son was eating an apple in the back seat of the car, when he asked, "Daddy, why is my apple turning brown?"
"Because," his dad explained, "after you ate the skin off, the flesh of the apple came into contact with the air, which caused it to oxidise, thus changing the molecular structure and turning it into a different colour."
There was a long silence. Then the boy asked, "Daddy, are you talking to me?

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A bloke in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, flattened a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window. The startled passenger said "I didn't mean to frighten you, I just wanted to ask you something
The taxi driver says, "It's not your fault sir. This is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years."

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A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child."
"Please forgive me," responded the underclassman. "I didn't realise you were pregnant."

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A father, in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, makes a right turn at a no-right-turn sign. "Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" the man said.
"That's OK Dad," the son says, "The police car right behind us did the same thing."

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A young fireman placed a ladder against the bedroom window of a burning house and rushed up. Inside was a curvy brunette in a see-through nightie. "Aha," said he, "you're the second pregnant girl I've rescued this year!"
"But I'm not pregnant," the brunette indignantly exclaimed.
"You're not rescued yet either."

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A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement she readily consented. He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even make eye contact."
"Oh," replied the waitress," I thought you wanted more coffee."




Last edited by Naitch; 25/02/08 9:50 AM. Reason: Lousy Punctuation

Remember I was asking (asking? Pleading, more like!) for an M400 Mellotron? Well.....

I'VE NOW GOT ONE!