A drunk man, who smelled of booze, sat down on an underground train next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick and a half empty bottle of whisky was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, “Say Father, what causes arthritis?” The priest, looking at the man’s obvious state, replied, “My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow men, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.”
The drunk muttered in response, “Well, I'll be damned!” then returned to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. “I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?” The drunk answered, “I don't have it, Father, but I’ve just read here that the Pope does!”
A Brunette goes to the doctor. "Doctor", she says, "I'm really worried because I hurt all over". "Show me", says the Doctor. "Well", says the woman, "If I touch my nose it hurts, if I touch my knee like this it hurts, and if I touch my breasts it hurts - everywhere hurts!" "Ah", says the Doctor, "you're actually a Blonde aren't you?" "Well, yes", says the woman, "I'm a natural Blonde. How can you tell?" "Because you've broken your finger", replied the Doctor.
A bear walks into a pub and says "I'll have a pint of lager and............. ......... ........... .......... .......... ......... ............ ........... ........... .......... .......... .......... ........... ........... ........... .......... ............ ........a packet of crisps, please".
The barman says "OK, but why the big pause?"
"Oh I dunno", says the Bear, "I suppose I was born with them"
God was strolling through the Garden of Eden when he came across Adam sitting under a tree. "How's it going?" asked God. "Oh……so-so," said Adam. "You sound a bit p#ssed off," said God. "Is there a problem?" "Well, it's just that I'm bored," said Adam. "The weather's good, the scenery's great and you pop by every now and again for a game of chess, but other than that……..I could really do with some company. "I may have just the thing," said God, "Fresh in. She's beautiful, will keep your house spotless, keep the kids quiet and out of your way, terrific in bed and cordon bleu in the kitchen." "Sounds great," said Adam. "Can I have one?" "Of course," said God, "but it'll cost you an arm and a leg though." "Oh," said Adam, thinking hard, "What can I get for a rib?"
The rest, as they say, is history!!!!
Merry Christmas!
Last edited by Huw; 15/01/0911:54 PM. Reason: Fixed page width... ;)
Remember I was asking (asking? Pleading, more like!) for an M400 Mellotron? Well.....
