A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says, “What are you supposed to be?' The man says, "A premature ejaculation". "What?" shrieks the woman. The man says, "I've just come in my pants."
"Doctor, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome," said the doctor. "Is it common?" "It's not unusual."
Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, straight up, no bull!"
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. “My dog's gone cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Just because he's cross-eyed? " "No, because he's bloody heavy"
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese, and there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad or my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. I think it's Colin.
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
A man walks into the doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doctor. "It's... um... well... I have five penises," replies the man. "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?" "Like a glove."
