B.B. King's wife decides that she is going to make his birthday especially memorable this year. The day before the party, she goes out and gets B.B's initials tattooed on her cheeks of her buttocks, one letter on each cheek. The next night, after his big birthday dinner with friends in his favourite restaurant, they go home. As soon as B.B. sits down in his favourite chair, his wife walks up to him and announces, "I have a big surprise for you." With that, she turns around, pulls up her dress, drops her knickers and bends over. B.B. stares for a moment at the posterior just inches from his face, and asks, "Who's Bob?"
"My husband bought me a mood ring the other day." "Oh, yeah? What does that do then?" "Well, when I'm in a good mood, it turns orange.... When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead!"
Two old ladies are walking through a museum and got separated. When they ran into each other later the first old lady said to the second, "Oh My! Did you see that statue of the naked man back there?" The second old lady replied, "Yes! I was absolutely shocked! How can they display such a thing! My gosh the penis on it was so large!" Where upon the first old lady accidentally blurted out, "...Yeah, and cold, too!"
Little Johnny ran into the house, crying his eyes out. His Mum asked him what the problem was. "Dad and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish, a really big one. Then, while reeling it in, the line broke and the fish got away." "Now come on, Johnny," his mother said, "a big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an accident like that. You should have laughed." "I did!"
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your c#ck is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 307."
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got an appointment with the gynaecologist tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist’s appointment tomorrow too?"
A young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted. At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class. She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, "oh miss, oh miss!" with his arm pumping. "Yes, Johnny, what is it?" she asked, trying to remain calm. Little Johnny stood up and proclaimed to the class, "at our house, we have everything." "Don't be silly," the teacher replied, "not even the richest man has everything." "We do," he answered, "My daddy said so the other day." "Now, why would your father say such a thing?" she asked. "Well, my fifteen year old sister came home with her skinhead boyfriend, and told daddy that she was pregnant. That's when my dad said, "God, that's all we needed."
Remember I was asking (asking? Pleading, more like!) for an M400 Mellotron? Well.....
