A friend is having trouble with his system. Last year he upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2 which he'd used for years without trouble. However, apparently there are conflicts between these two systems, the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend with the sound turned off. But to make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Golf 2 and Playboy 6.0.
Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better, Girlfriend 3.0 has many bugs and left a virus in his system, forcing him to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually he tried installing Girlfriend 2.1 as well as Girlfriend 1.0 only to discover when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to all his hardware.
Sensing a way out, he upgraded to Fiancée 1.0 only to discover to his dismay that this system requires rapid upgrading to Wife 1.0. However, whilst Wife 1.0 uses up all available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse 2001.
But imagine my friend's disappointment though on discovering Wife 1.0 can be unstable and costly to maintain. Any mistakes he makes are automatically stored in Wife 1.0 Hard drive and cannot be deleted. They can re-surface months or even years later.
Wife 1.0 also has an automatic InterDiary Explorer and E-mail Porn Filter. Wife 1.0 also automatically runs PhotoSTROP and WINGEzip and no option on the Help menu seems to work, leaving him to try and GUESS the fault himself.
The system footprint needs updating regularly requiring Shoeshop Browser Pro for new attachments. Hairstyle Express needs to be reinstalled every week. It also refused some of the new Games and attachments he wanted to try, stating they are an illegal operation.
When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to Lotus Car 1.0 it often crashes or runs the system dry. Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-in-law, which can't be turned off. Recently he's been tempted to try Mistress 2001 add-on, but there could be problems. If wife 1.0 detects the presence of mistress 2001, it will delete all MS Money files before un-installing itself.
1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfeck you!!! 2. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing?! 3. How many times do I have to flush before you go away? 4. Well this day was a total waste of make-up. 5. Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine? 6. Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after. 7. Do I look like a fecking people person! 8. This isn't an office. It's HELL with fluorescent lighting. 9. I started out with nothing, still have most of it left. 10. I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me. 11. YOU!!... off my planet!!! 12. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble plastic is cheap. You choose. 13. Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control. 14. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. 15. And your cry-baby, whiny-arsed opinion would be.....? 16. I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years. 17. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer. 18. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. 19. Do they ever shut up on your planet? 20. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable. 21. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realise you haven't gone to sleep yet. 22. Back off!! You're standing in my aura. 23. Don't worry. I forgot your name too. 24. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong? 25. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor. 26. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? 27. If I wanted to listen to an [censored], I’d have farted. 28. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead. 29. Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. 30. Chaos, panic and disorder . . . my work here is done. 31. Ambivalent? Well yes and no. 32. You look like [censored]. Is that the style now? 33. Earth is full. Go home. 34. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego? 35. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert. 36. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth. 37. You are depriving some village of an idiot. 38. If arseholes could fly, this place would be an airport!
